Spiral (poem)

This is a poem I wrote in 2009, an attempt to describe what happens when I ‘crash’ into a depressive episode and spiral downwards:




The bird asked me:

          How does the crash happen?

I replied:

          It begins as a subtle,

          idiotic skimming of feathers

          about my head

          but builds to a blind

          thrashing of wings

          pulping my whole




          contorting even the

          pose I hold, sitting.


The tree asked me:

          How does the crash develop?

I replied:

          The wind pulls me

          this way and

          that; grows from a

          rustle to an angry

          mob. It

          envelops my head:

          speech, nerves and




          each to an infant

          crawl when swaddled.

The rain asked me:

          How dark does it become?

I replied:

          My whole being

          fights to preserve itself:

          I feel the ambivalence of

          wanting to live yet

          being almost unable

          to countenance

          survival. I wish for

          the whole world to

          hold me; to swaddle

          me in a bright blanket

          made up of atoms

          drawn from life itself.


The baby asked me:

          How do you grow?

I replied:

          In this state I barely         

          exist: pain wracks my

          entire body, neck to

          toes, head to

          tips of cold fingers.

          I go on only

          because it’s dictated in

          my genes. My DNA

          tortures me, tying me

          to life in these

          episodes of



I asked myself:

          Will you always go on?


I replied:

          I’ll fight. What

          else can I do?


There was no reply

this time.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s