For my 2nd assessment meeting I handed over a detailed ‘Mood Diary’ I was asked to keep. I think the psych. meant a simple chart with a 1=low, 10=high thing. But it didn’t quite work out like that..
Coming down now after a few days. Now feel edgy, anxious, slightly confused and have a headache.
I was asked about delusions.. I have one that I have always had but which has been more frequent the past several months. I have moments when I think that perhaps this life isn’t real and that at some point I had a serious accident, or shock (I am almost too frightened to consider it might involve my son) and am perhaps in a coma imagining all this.
If I talk about it now it sounds like a story, but when it happens I believe it totally for a short time until I can snap out of it.
I am thinking again about something I have sort of believed in all my life: solipsism. Also, photos of me, my reflection in mirrors, they have never looked like me.
Mood coming down: always introspective, examining, tired.
* * *
Coming down still, tired and moderately low. Washing up, started thinking of the day my mum died and I found myself considering how sensible it would be to end my own life. A fleeting idea, soon passed. No particular importance given to the thought, I was also listening to the radio at the time.
Stable, mildly low. Buzzing has turned into slight trembling in arms and legs. Anxiety, nausea.
Very tired. Will be awake in a few hours. Mood stable, ‘normal’.”