A testing time – over for a few days

School assembly went very well. I took a Lorazepam beforehand. Bipolar meds have their place and work (relatively) well for me much of the time. Next up – school Inspection next week.

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A testing time (again)

The next 10 days are really going to test my mental (and physical) strength and resolve. Bipolar mood swings can be rapid and unpredictable. Stress is one of just several things that can cause depression, hypomania – or mixed mood.

I’m not a sociable person. Though I have done many poetry readings without stress, the thought of having to take a school Assembly this coming week is beginning to hit me. I could probably get out of it but I’m going to give it a go if at all possible.

And during the week after this coming one we have a re-Inspection; this is without doubt the most stressful time for any teacher. During a previous inspection, in a different school, I worked a 92 hour week leading up to it.

These two things really aren’t going to put anyone with a mental illness in a good frame of mind. Consciously, I’ll do my best to, well, do my best. But I’m not in charge of my bipolar with its depression, hypomania, OCD, anxiety and often dissociation.

I’ll see you on the other side..

 

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Been a while..

No news, as they say, is good news. And in this case, that’s correct.

I’ve been pretty stable all through the Christmas season. Minimal suicidal ideation, a little anxiety, some [bipolar] dissociation, and the usual (relatively) low-level OCD.

That’s how unpredictable mental illness is; a renowned ‘stressful’ time can have little effect, whereas a ‘manageable’ time can see symptoms escalate wildly.

The meds are working, it must be said. Talking therapy would be useful, but that’s not going to happen.

I’ve even been tempted to begin writing again (a 4th P.I. Wall crime novel) but I’m not painting; there has been some collage work and poem-writing however.

Work can be very stressful, especially with us waiting on ESTYN to re-inspect us.

I continue to become physically less fit, and the meds are still making me put on weight. Swings and roundabouts, I guess.

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